All Things Valley League

Now I'm Annoyed

I just finished watching the halftime show of the UCLA- Memphis game. Chevrolet named their player and coach of the year, and donated $5,000 to each school's general scholarship fund.

Yeah, $5,000. Seriously.

So Drake's Keno Davis won coach of the year. Know how much it costs to go to Drake for a year? $32,372.

Know how much Rick Wagoner, CEO of GM, makes in one year? $2.2 million, with an incentive package worth $3.5 million.

Yeah, I know- every little bit helps, and all that; but don't you think GM could spring for just a little bit more? How about pay for a few students who need financial help? $5,000. Man. That's 15% of the year's tuition at Drake, and 0.2% of their CEO's salary. Nice.

The Worst Sound in the World...

....is without question a coughing child in the middle of the night. 

That sound is worse than jet engines, barking dogs, whispering students during chapel... and we just finished one of those nights.  You know, the nights when the child coughs every couple minutes... all night long.  My wife and I believe we saw every hour on the clock, and we tried everything.  Albuterol, cough medicine, some water, not a little prayer... and nothing stopped the Little Engine That Couldn't Stop Coughing. 

And now starts a busy Saturday.  The Little Engine has a basketball game this morning... it'll be interesting to see if she can/wants to play. 

Ugh.

On a much better note, I'm still planning to head out to Rebel Park at 1:00 to see some college baseball and say hello to some friends.  See you there?  (If yes, just don't cough in my area, ok? :))

What is This, Nostalgia Week?

Just hangin' out, listening to the Goldmine Pickers and Trent Wagler*, and wondering why this past week was like junior high AND early college days, which, as you might imagine, is a real stretch. 

*If you enjoy bluegrass/folk music at ALL, you need to pick up a copy of their new albums. The Pickers' new album is called "Lonesome Gone"; Trent's is "Adrienna Valentine."  They'll be playing together March 29, at a new venue in Harrisonburg named Clementine. **

**Apologies to Joe Posnanski- I'm stealing his format for asides.

So, a week after I was thinking wistfully about Strat-O-Matic and how many games we played in one year in the EMC dorms, I found myself heading to the roller rink in Harrisonburg (called "Fun Zone") to join my family at a birthday party for a couple of my daughter's friends.  The last time I was in roller skates was in junior high in Sellersville, Pennsylvania. Back then, my hormones were going nuts... all I was interested in was not falling and make an idiot out of myself* and angling to have a partner for the next couple skate.**

* Cause, you know, that would be uncool, man.

** My memories of those couple skates?  Clammy hands.  This was years before we learned we had to wash our hands every ten minutes to avoid the flu. Or is that just my OCD*** coming out?

*** I don't really have OCD... just a few tendencies, is all. Please don't ask my friends about that.

We pulled up to the rink, and my daughters were in skates and lurching around the rink within minutes. I decided to give it the old college try, and soon had a very smelly set of size 13 roller skates on my feet.*

* Yes, I wear size 13 shoes.  And I think I'm about 6 foot 8 in skates.  And they were really smelly. I didn't make that up.

Pretty soon I was chasing my daughters around, and having a great time!  Who knew?  Skating came back pretty quickly... I just had to dodge the debris of small children. Once, that was my daughter, who fell right in front of me. I went over her- just missing her hands.  That would have been bad.

I didn't recognize most of the music, which means that it must have been Britney Spears* or Hannah Montana or whoever is popular these days. I didn't recognize it because I am an old fart.

* Britney Spears made it big while we were living in Kenya.  I honestly have never knowingly listened to one of her songs, which means I have more of my soul remaining than you.

Suddenly, however, the annoyingly young DJ put on some music I know (unfortunately): Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean!"*  I think the song was played the last time I skated!  Has this song been played at roller rinks for all these years? 

* Good thing my daughters were too busy falling down to notice the words. "The kid is not my son" may have sparked some uncomfortable conversations around the supper table.

Right after "Billie Jean?" Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun!"* 

* The song came out in 1983. Imagine what some of the adults who fought for women's rights and feminism in the 70's thought about Cyndi's ideas?

So what is my point to all this?*  Well, I find it interesting that some pieces of our culture survive- and it can be very odd where it survives. Would radio stations, even oldie stations, play old Cyndi Lauper? But the roller rink still does, just like when my hands were clammy even thinking about skating with a girl.

* Want to know the Valley League connection to this riff?  Fun Zone is right across the street from Wease's Auto Exchange!

A Late Night Riff

So, last night, it was late, and I should have been in bed, but I was reading Joe Posnanski's blog and laughing out loud at his Strat-O-Matic references... and I realized that I really, really want to write about my 2006 Spring City Turbohens, because they rock. (As boring as reading about someone else's fantasy team may be, at least Strat is based on reality!)

First, some background. I was introduced to Strat-O-Matic when I was a freshman in college back in 1988 (!! My 20th year high school reunion is this year?  Oh my). Five of us got together a year later, drafted two major league teams, put them together, and played.  My, did we play. We ended up playing three full seasons in one school year.  (I could go look up my grades from that year, but I'm afraid. Very afraid.)

Fast forward 20 years. (Again, what in the world?  I'm almost 40?!?)  I was remembering how much fun we had that year in the EMC dorm, playing Strat on the computer and listening to Peter Gabriel and the Notting Hillbillies, and I decided to set up a Strat-O-Matic club at the high school that so generously employs me.  The first year the club failed- I had only two kids interested. The second year, though, I had a better plan: use a computer and projector and actually show the kids how the cards and computer game work.

I had nine kids (plus me, of course) interested. We drafted players over a week of lunchtime meetings.  That first year, the kids were at a major disadvantage: I knew the game, rather too intimately according to my wife, and they didn't. The Turbohens went 114-48, and motored on through the playoffs, winning both the regular season and the World Series (using the 2005 Strat cards).

Now, to this year. We now have 12 kids, and many returning club members, so my advantage should be gone, right?  Well, the Turbohens, besides having an awesome (imaginary) mascot of a hen with flames shooting out its butt, is kicking major rear end (hah).  Again.  After 90 games this season, the 'Hens are 63-27, with 667 runs scored, and having given up 409. 

I see the issue as this: last season, everyone bemoaned the lack of pitching. When the new draft rolled around, kids started snapping up pitching... some owners actually drafted all five starters in the first five rounds. While this was happening, the erstwhile Mr. Leonard was snapping up hitting, hitting, and more hitting, hoping that enough pitching would be left at the end.

Here's the lineup I ended up with, with average, on-base percentage, and slugging (keep in mind that these are 2006 stats):

1. Carlos Guillen, SS: 320/400/519

2. Carlos Beltran, CF: 275/388/594

3. Manny Ramirez, LF: 321/439/619

4. Travis Hafner, DH: 308/439/659

5. Lance Berkman, 1B: 315/420/621

6. Alex Rodriguez, 3B: 290/392/523

7. Brian McCann, C: 333/388/572

8. JD Drew, RF: 283/393/498

9. Jamey Carroll, 2B: 300/377/404

That's some serious hitting going on. If I fall behind 4-0 in the first, it doesn't matter- I just stay the course. Certainly, I have some weaknesses.... like, maybe, injuries, and most of these guys can only score from first with three singles, and my defense isn't so great (Manny in left field!), but all of them rake.  So far this has been successful.  (As long as I don't have to manufacture a run in the bottom of the ninth.) As an entire team, my hitters are 304/387/558.

My starters (Jeff Francis, Jason Jennings, Cole Hamels, Matt Cain, and Clay Hensley) keep me in games, and I can absorb an error every now and then.

We all know what happens in the playoffs, right?  Good pitching usually shuts down good hitting (is this proven as a fact?).  But playoff pressure doesn't exist in Strat-O-Matic, so my hitters won't know that they are supposed to be nervous and dominated by Roy Halladay.

Really, though, this league has enabled me to recapture something that was great fun in my youth, and wonder why more of this can't happen. (Although an Atari 2600 party doesn't have the same ring as a Strat club, for some reason. Imagine kids today playing "Adventure" for more than two seconds: "I'm just a block? That duck is a dragon? I can only carry one thing at a time?  I don't get to shoot anybody? This is lame.")  Could some of us get together and play Wiffleball every now and then?  Would that be too much to ask? 

At any rate, maybe I and my co-club mates have learned something about baseball strategy and player usage, too, while we're at it , which means that my club mates are actually learning something while having fun. And giving up 12 runs to the Turbohens.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

                        

This picture ran on espn.go.com on Wednesday of this week.  I found myself staring at this ugly sight, and getting more and more angry.  Now, I fancy myself a somewhat calm individual. I don't usually get irate at little things, but this picture moved me to the other side of anger.

I teach 9th graders. I have found it more and more difficult to maintain a healthy sense of decorum in my classroom. "That stinks" has become "That sucks." Most kids are incapable of saying something like, "Wow. I wouldn't do it that way," or, "That's an choice I wouldn't make."  Instead, they say, "That's retarded."  Or, just as bad, "That's gay."

Maybe these three LSU fans were heckled early in the game, when Ohio State jumped out to a quick 10-0 lead. Even if that were the case, though, it still doesn't give them the right to so obviously mock people who rooted for the opposite team. Maybe I'm naive, but why can't fans of victorious teams just celebrate the win with likeminded fans? Why does it so often have to descend into trash talking and  mockery?  Can't the win be enough?  (Interesting, isn't it, how the girl, who could be rather attractive, looks completely ugly with that look on her face.)

Of course, our professional athletes don't help anything, with their "No one believed we could win," and "We shocked the world!" after a win. (My friend Ted says that the "shocked the world" phrase should be banned forever. Shocked the world?!? Winning a football/basketball game? No, sorry- 1,000 Kenyan dead over tribal warfare should shock the world, but we save our incredulity for the 6-point underdog to win a game. Gross.)

When I hear my students talk trash over things that are completely pointless (like the Washington Redskins- Philadelphia Eagles rivalry- that's a big one at my school), and I ask them why they work so hard to make friends feel terrible, they almost always answer, "It's fun."  That's what our society is telling us?  It's "fun" to mock people about something over which none of us have any  control?

Well, thanks for listening to my rant, if you've made it this far. All I can do, I guess, is show a different way- celebrate the victory without trash talking and mockery. (Of course, I'm a Philadelphia sports fan, so.... celebrating victories doesn't happen often.)

I just can't help but think: We can do better, can't we?